The Way I Love You

I wish I had a list of reasons I could tell them – elaborating why I love you. But, I don’t, because I never think of the ‘why’ of it all, they often call me emotional and illogical. And I wish they’d ask me the ‘how’- how I feel when the phone rings your name or when the smallest thing reminds me of you. How unexpectedly I fell for you and now my world is just a brighter place with your perfect smile. How the sand feels when sea kisses its shore. How falling asleep without your voice makes me miserable. How waking up to your voice and waking up to wake you are synonymous. How you have taken every place in my poor little heart. How our differences make me grow. How I have already crossed every ocean for you in my head. How taking care of you has become my favourite. How the cold breeze feels to a hot summer day. How looking at a picture of us gets me motivated and how I look for ‘us’ in every caricature I see. How do I tell them of the feeling when we are together and that when our hearts align, it’s a perfect circle. How the kiss of the protector has never felt this right since my father and how blindly I trust you, it gives me shivers. How I have been wrong, but I’ll do everything to make this one right. The question is always a how and never a why, when it comes to the way I love you… and it will always come without question marks.

For Neel, Love J

Beautiful Artwork by Xuan Loc Xuan

Wars and Medals

He said that he felt indifferent to the wars I’m fighting and the small victories I come home to celebrate with him. I felt like all my medals are indifferent and all my tries are insignificant. How can he not see I brought those medals home for him ? My uniform had blood, but my eyes had hope- you strangled it all with your indifference. The medals feel like plastic and my body feels set on fire. My heart is breaking at the war field, telling myself if I have lost him… I have lost it all. No war to win now. I’ll sleep here on the barren, because I don’t know which medal to bring you home.

Illustration by Aquasixio

Sunflower

The sun has different meanings – to some it is light, to some it is scorching heat, to some optimism of sunshine… and I stand here basking in the sun… without a care about tan or freckles, because ‘my sun’ is asleep in my bed. I wonder would it be too much to call myself a sunflower, would you call me sissy or Instagram-influenced ? Still following your every move and doing my own thing too – my days be spent looking for you and nights waiting for you. The rain would come and I’d still stand tall – for you gave me strength to go through it all. Somedays you’ll shine too bright, the glare would hurt my eyes and you’d ask me for time – my yellow petals would look down confused, the night would take over and I’ll wait for you. The birds will keep me up at night and I know I have to tell you that rainbows will never be sunshine.

Love,

J

Beautiful Artwork by Xuan Loc Xuan

Wings I Wrote – The Blog of My Life

Creativity and hobbies take a backseat when it comes to pursuing a degree in Med School. Soon after I cleared my tenth grade, I went from being in the school editorial team to a textbook-reading bore in college. Of course I used to write now and then for the college magazine, but my thirst to express was never fulfilled.

Marching into second year of college, I came across the idea of blogging. I procrastinated, thinking it was too much commitment – I was never a Journal person, to be honest. Being the Gemini I am, I struggle at being constantly interested in the same thing. I worship change. My laptop screen literally escalated between House MD and 90210. So, the question to blog or not remained inconclusive.

College is a turning point for every individual. It is one of those times in life, when you are actually aware of the decisions you take and experiences you choose to be a part of. For most of us, its our first taste of independence as an adult – And, good lord ! Independence tastes damn good. I could finally choose something I wanted to eat, without worrying about what my parents would think or if it was some particular day of the week. In between those moments, I actually felt that I was evolving. Each day in college, I felt less of the school girl I was. Lyrics made more sense, Egg dosa made more sense and theatre popcorn prices made absolutely no sense. I was reinventing myself and all I could think of was I want to document this. I want the future me to know how it feels to be here at the grey zone, before its too late and I no longer recognise myself with the person I used to be. I thought I owe myself that.

Bundling up all the enthusiasm, I googled – ‘Best blogging wesbite’, I remember that typo till this day, which I quickly corrected and made an addition “Best Blogging Website 2014”. After a long night of research, I decided on a website and a blog name. I was always obsessed with metaphors and the idea of flying being synonymous with success. I wanted my blog to be about my journey where every decision I made was added as a feather on my back. And I made a promise to myself to remember that I am blogging for me. ‘Wings I Wrote’, I typed and my journey as a blogger began. I sure have made some questionable decisions in my life, but Wings I Wrote will never be one.

Four years ahead, Wings I Wrote is my escape from life’s chaos. Whether its a playlist I am dancing to or a restaurant I am dining at, everything I share – is truly, unapologetically and unfiltered ME.

Image Courtesy : Vikram Loona

Thank you for being here, I appreciate you.

I wrote this piece for my college magazine earlier this year. When I was asked to write a piece on my blog by the Editor, I knew it was a story that I have to share before I graduate. I think people often think that being in Med School means just books and libraries – eventhough its true, but not the ‘just’ part. I hope my article inspires more people to express themselves and have fun. You are a different version of you everyday, busy or not – make time to Celebrate yourself, whenever you can.

Wings I Quote #55

Wings I Quote #54

My Beach Vacation

Leaning by the window, feeling the breeze between my fingers… almost pushing my palm and then slowly leaving without a whisper. O Wind ! Where are you taking me ? Or is it me who is taking you ?… I thought to myself watching trees pass. ‘Right from here, right ?’, I quickly collect my thoughts and sit upright to indulge in the map app, already open in my phone. ‘ er… one second… yes right from here’, I direct. She smirks and turns the volume up. Blasting on the speakers now was our trip song and we sang along with our arms talking for our bodies.

Flipping our hair in the rearview mirrors, we step out – the sun almost welcoming us, in the background my phone exclaims ‘your destination is on the left’. We, girls, roll our eyes ; put on our sunglasses and head to the horizon (on the left). The sand giving us the warmest hugs, slipping between our toes but yet easy to let go. O Sand! How do you remain soft after facing such wrath of the sun ? Balancing our bags and excitement, we reach the shore… where the two lovers meet – sand and the sea. Feeling the magic in the air, we danced as if celebrating the great union.

Walking in the wet sand, I stop to look back if my footprints were perfect… guess it didn’t matter cause the waves took them away. ‘Finally, we reached’, my friend announces. In that moment , I had the common philosophical phenomenon hit me – It doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you do ! Quite a few pints down, maybe it made sense or maybe it didn’t… but I sure was pumped up with optimism.

I take off my sunglasses to watch the beautiful beach, stretching my legs and relaxing on the beach chaise. The umbrella above giving me exact light for the perfect pictures. My girls wave to me playing on the shore, I wave back sipping my Pina colada. Taking a deep breath and laying down, I think to myself – O Life ! Thank you, I understand now.

 Image Courtesy: Pallak Shaw 

Love,

J

Pinacolada is by far my favourite cocktail. One of the very first article in this section was named that; I was struggling with a lot back then. Year after (I think), here I am with another Pinacolada in my hand – Celebrating life! If this isn’t victory, then I don’t know what is.

Thank you for reading !

A Vacation

​She is free, she is independent. 
But somedays she doesn’t feel like herself.
Somedays, she wants to be wanted.
That’s not wrong, until…
She starts feeling like herself again.

She is Free, she is independent.
But Somedays, she wants a vacation.
Somedays, she wants to play.
That’s not wrong, until…
The Vacation are lives of other people and her play – their love.

She’s free, she is independent.
But somedays, she doesn’t want to play that role.
Somedays, she wants to be vulnerable, she wants to love.
That’s not wrong, until…
She gets back to her role, without a care.

She’s free, she is independent.
But somedays, she wants it to be easy.
Somedays, she wants the lock and key, all at once.
That’s not wrong, until…
She gets comfortable.

She’s free, she’s independent.
And most days, it comes with a price.
Most days, price is being caught in the vacation and thinking you are a part of her.
That only gets worse when, her vacation is over.

She is free, She’s Independent.
And you?… You are lost.

Illustration by Pascal Campion Art

Wings I Quote #53

Wings I Quote #52